[ AW ] freezing to death, dying to please

the garden in your ribcage

Why had he left the Mainland? There was no accurate explanation for it. Call it a feeling. An urge for something greater beyond the mountain pass. Or in this case, nestled between the sloping hills and twists. Spring had made its way back into the Redwood; the place that Alexei called home. Not much changed, the Redwood didn't even lose its color during the freezing conditions. Not long after, his home became tainted by the smell of blooming flowers. The forest moved with much more curiosity from then on. Youthful creatures sprung from their mothers' wombs and were out; learning new things and exploring. It was that. That drove him to leave the Redwood, just for the time being. He'd only been to the Lowlands once, and that was to visit with his friend, Baelfire. All he knew was Edinburgh and nothing else. Bael's homeland reminded him much of his own. He almost didn't notice he'd passed into the Lowlands; a scent mark he came upon informed him, but that was all. It could have easily been missed. The mountains had been in the distant sky back in the Redwood. Now, he is upon them, climbing their stable grounds. He wound through the mountains for a day or two before coming forth to the lake that sat hidden within.

For a moment; he becomes frozen with fear in sight of a body of water bigger than a river. The seaman stays that way for a few moments. Fright and terror stake claim in his eyes; churning waters make their home in his stomach. His knees quake with one step forward. He's within ten feet of the lake; he can't even remember crossing the first thirty, but here he is. It's alluring. How silent the lake was and how there was merely any life around the lake apart from the plants. With no movements around him, he takes a few more steps forward. He can see the tips of his ears in the reflection of the clear body of water. "Why do you still consume me so?" A whisper falls from his lips; to eerily still waters. Sea life is scarce in the water as well; he sees branches, wound up old leaves and algae, but does not near the edges of the water where it might be able to grab him. "I just want peace with you." He wishes, softly, to the aimless sky; only twilight greeting him in response.

There is nothing more he wants than to be friends with the water once more. A gift given to him in early childhood; blessed and given with the water god's peace. But now, nothing watches, if anything; it is revenge that it seeks. And yet, Alexei does not know why or how he should make peace with it. So, he places himself, carefully among the edge of the water. He keeps his eyes off the reflection of himself, and stares deeply into the water before him. 'Give me an answer. A sound. Anything.'

mephisto

Twilight hung peacefully over the land painting it with a brilliant array of colors; corals, fushias, roses and citrus to indigo, cobalt and prussian blue, melded together to form the most beautiful background on a canvas while the foreground looked black carefully etched along the horizon as if a pallet knife had done the most meticulous of work to carve a landscape. Yet it looked so effortless, peaceful yet chaotic in the most delicate of ways, mirrored so magically in the eyes of a woman that matched the scene. Clouds floated like carefully airbrushed cotton, bringing more definition within the sky while giving it a pleasant texture that looked like it could outmatch the silken belly fur of one’s earliest memories against their mother or father. Had no one seen the northern lights, one might mistake such a sight to be them now in their breathtaking beauty as the woman traversed the mountainside calmly, only accompanied by one’s own breathing and the gentle clicking of their own nails on the hard surface.

It was so easy to get lost in the sky if one allowed themselves but alas such a vision was barely noticed by her as her mind was still buzzing from far different visions, each shadow chasing her but never catching her. How bittersweet the feeling, so free yet so trapped as she transcended down the cliffside with movements both confident and absentminded, used to the terrain from countless exploits here while trying to reconnect with the land she hailed from. This was supposed to be her home, full of legends and stories dating back to the start of time and now they were more like memories she clung onto in hope they might bring her happiness once again; was that not why she tried to make such an effort to bring her daughter here whenever she could? That sense of family she had long lost; the culture she felt was dead no matter how much it still flowed through her veins and her name.

Further North in Ayr when she had passed a little while back, she could swear she still smelt the iron on the air that formally stained the land but had long been washed away with time and erosion.

Shaking her head, she’d start to head down the trail she had taken many times, each step so familiar as if her pads were fitting into paw print dents that matched so perfectly despite there being no divots left, only some scrapes and wear where travel was more frequent by more than just wolves. It was a safe route but one she started to deviate from, energy leading to risk as she took a less travelled detour that would get her to the bottom faster. Leaping and sliding, she’d make her venture down the rest of the way, having little care for her life at that moment as she took in the chilly air into her lungs as tried to break free of imaginary chains. It wasn’t long till she was in the hidden area that the mountains kept tucked away, prey scarce but peace and isolation plenty. The perfect place to mediate or end it all.

She thought she’d be alone but there someone stood near the lake, a figure shrouded in mystery right at the edge of the water source. Unlike most of the land here that was of shadow, the water reflected the sky so perfectly when looked at from the right angle, every color and formation a near perfect duplicate. She’d move toward them, cutting off distance more and more till she was only a couple yards. She would see them move forward and as she got closer she could make out their face, no longer just a silhouette as those colors were refracted onto the pelt of the other and the light was no longer blocked but dressing both of them. Her ears had flicked to the sound of breathing and maybe a soft whisper of which she could not distinguish as any particular words; she could only hope it was the stranger and not those within her head or entities that followed her from the forest.

Carefully she’d make progress, waiting for them to do something; be it take a drink or acknowledge her presence. Her gaze would flick to the water, a shiver running along her spine, not a fan of open water let alone one that looked rather deep despite being able to see to the bottom. She didn’t trust it and she didn’t like how it felt in her fur; she saw it as an entity of death as it was often the final resting place of her kin, a place of funeral as much as it was an origin of life. Looking back up, the stiff stranger looked rather afraid, causing her to creep closer till she was perhaps impeding on their bubble with quiet careful footing. Tilting her head, she’d take notice of their focus, their absolute attention to the water below as if it might speak to them or eat them alive. Worry lined her brow as she came up along side them where her fur was almost close enough to brush theirs but she made sure to keep enough distance so it wouldn't for her own sanity. "Seeing ghosts?" she inquired eerily, stopping a couple steps away from the edge to look up at their face.

table ; bunny

the garden in your ribcage

Soft blues and echoes of reflecting light dance within the water. It would have been calming. Silence danced in the corridors in the dips of the mountain's corridors. Encapsulating the very rare living creatures that settled here. The wind's dancing fingers raced through the little grass and the being's fur. It was the only whistle that made it seem real at all. It's what also made it eerie. Dark shadows with unexplainable attached objects that made themselves scarce. Alexei can barely see himself within the mirroring of the lake. It's so clear that he can just see. And not have to focus on himself staring back. Unbeknownst to almost anyone who knew him, the man had insecurity problems that were deeply rooted. It was something that ran through him and his mother; with dappling throughout Moira as well. It had been why he and they had gotten along so well throughout childhood. He wondered what they might've thought of him now. If they would still know his face or believe it was him. Life had changed the man far more than he'd thought it would ever do. Seeing his parents' faces and how happy they were, even with where they had come from. How did they do it? Violet eyes focus on the reflection. It'd been a long time since he'd looked at himself. Feathered in the protective white fur on his neck; was the dotting of scars. He grimaced at the ghostly feeling of the rabid vagabond's canines digging into him. Quickly, his nose turns away from the water. He does not try again. It was stupid anyway. Trying to smile just by himself.. it didn't seem right. Nothing seemed right when he was alone.

It'd gotten better than it was before. Where he was tethered to another on a tight leash. Willfully, he'll admit, he would have followed anywhere the hellhound would have taken him. When the split happened; Alexei had to be alone. There was not much left of him in those times. Days came and went, and he'd found a new home to settle into, and then another great divide sent him out on a journey. He'd been alone for over a year, with only himself. A smattering of villages and large groups of wolves that he'd encountered. Kingdoms that were passed through. It wasn't the same as knowing some else though. Confiding almost all the information and memories in another. But he managed. And now, here he was again, questioning the feeling of it. Just because he had made a friend. Why must walls break so easily? Trained habits fall to the weak will of the heart.

Lost within the confines of his own mind and tight tug of emotions, the world continues on around him. Another even slips by his thoughts. Near the water, he was not astray from the genuine fear of what was right in front of him. What had triggered the cause of thoughts to fall from dreary places like boulders coming down in an earthquake and cascading into him. A voice finds him intertwined in his own head; 'Seeing ghosts?' The voice itself sounds like a phantom whisper, carried by the wind. But it is very real.

Alexei jumped, almost out of his own skin. It caused him to splash the water with his paw. A gasp came from his throat and a scurry of paws fall away from the lake; away from her as well. The waters mirrored the motion; the same panic in small waves. "I..." He held his breath for a mere moment. Ghosts. Of a certain kind; he understood. "Yes.. Maybe." He fumbled for words but found them escaping because of the sheer, hard beating of his heart. She's wrapped in golden as if Midas touched her only for a second, enough to engulf some of her. Titian eyes stare through him, virtually through him. She's enough to ward off a bear on her own, he's sure. Just with her gaze; even just with one eye. Alexei barely even notices how short she compares to him. Surely, her presence is enough to not question that she can do most things that others cannot. "Excuse me.. He takes another deep breath, trying to settle his heart-rate, but it continues on with how wet his paw still is. It shakes still, with the uncontrollable feeling of the water's coils almost pulling. "I didn't even hear you." He tries to explain as to why he is in the state he is in.

They both standalone in the mountain pass, presumedly, the only two living, walking beings for miles. Amethyst eyes do not leave her to have to feel the wind only around them. "I didn't think anyone.. lived up here." His hushed voice murmurs. Not that she has to live up here to be here. But he's just trying to make some sort of conversation in the lack of any other sounds. He should notice the smell of the Lowlands on her; just as they coat over his scent as well. Or the notable smell of soldier on her; the same one that Baelfire wore. There's still the shock running through him. Panic that rumbles in his gut as they both look like they have seen a ghost.

mephisto

@Sif

Whoever they were didn’t seem to react immediately but fast enough to startle her as well though not so outwardly as only her heart picked up in her chest; she made no effort to move, gaze glued to the stranger with a flash of indistinguishable emotion in her hardened gaze. The scent of fear was potently mixed with the scent of both masculine notes and the ocean air as a little splash caused her attention to shift to the water once more for perhaps not even a full second in time. The flaring liquid would cause her limb to withdraw a little further from the shoreline as she watched him quickly put distance between himself and her. Where everything seemed to happen in a flash, it also felt in slow motion as she listened to the trickling of water pelt the mossy shore as it tried to recede back into the depths of which it came, making her only a little tense but she would take in a breath to ease the stress within her muscles before the fur along her haunches could prick. She’d see his reflection escape the mirror’s hold leaving neither in her liquid glass.

Once he stopped moving, she’d turn to look at him, her head tilting to the side as she watched the panic still take full hold of the larger wolf as his lungs pulled his chest in and out dramatically. At this rate he might faint from hyperventilating before stopping altogether, causing her ears to draw back with concern but soon something else would draw them back as her lone orb shifted around his face till she found his beautiful lilac eyes that almost looked of witch’s potions in childhood fairytales. It wasn’t the color though that drew her in but rather the mirror that they carried, that pure terror and wish to escape as he uttered that he very well might be seeing ghosts. It was like looking at herself; she didn’t need the lake to see herself. “Shhh you’re okay, I won’t harm you. You’re safe with me,” she’d say softly. Just because he was a male didn’t make him invulnerable to abuse or any horror from this world. Maybe she was reading it wrong and it wasn’t something so dire but what if she wasn't?

His shaking caught her attention next as she would abruptly move toward him without much thought as it reminded her of her daughter, making her nearly envelope him into a hug till the shaking might cease but as she reached up toward his paw and face with such subconscious motivation. She would stop only a few inches away from contact as realization dawned on her as he spoke again and she’d re-add space between them by taking a couple steps back. If she wasn’t viewing things incorrectly, the last thing she could imagine was him wanting contact, she sure as hell wouldn’t. It didn’t stop her from wanting to protect him as he continued to shake, barely taking in his appearance as masculine, too wrapped up by his fragile demeanor. So she was the cause of his tremors? This caused her to take a couple more steps back, contemplating if maybe leaving would be better if that was the case but something seemed off; this wasn’t the reaction of someone just shy plus the horror was on his face before he even noticed her.

Shells would flick forward then fall back at the mention of possible settlement of this place, causing her to shake her head with vague sorrow etched into the contours of her face. “I don’t- Well not anymore; these used to be lands of ceremony for my kin for generations but...my… our settlement…” she’d let out a sigh, not wanting to think of the corpses of her parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, everyone she loved and shared blood with when she was a child laying lifeless in the mountains. Nor anything that followed as she fought the images from forming with a shake of her head and looking up toward the cliffs in the North, dazed. She only wanted to remember the happy times where her father sang and told tales and made each day the most fun a child could ask for. When she was free.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters right now is you. Are you running from something?” she’d finally pull her thoughts away to look at him again. “Someone?” she’d add barely above a whisper as if someone could hear them despite it being fairly apparent they were alone, it was hauntingly silent.

table ; bunny

the garden in your ribcage

Fear and anxiety plague him. An illness that had been treated symptomatically throughout his life. Small fixes here and there would subside it. Whether it be the closeness of another for just one night or walking until his paws cracked; bleeding with purpose. A hawk circles over them, its shadow cast down by the sunlight onto the lake. It continues to hover above them; circling the lake for any sort of movement of the aquatic life. Maybe it'll warrant an easy catch. But maybe the hawk does not realize that the emotions that emit from the two wolves on the side of the water; would be enough to keep the fish underneath their hiding spots for the rest of the day. Alexei still has somewhat of a nervous shake. His dirtied white paws, from the trek, patter against the mud like ground beneath him. Shuffling to fill the empty silence that befalls all of them in the never ending winding mountains. The lake leeched onto the surrounding land, making it damp.

'Shhh, you're okay...' Her words are soft. Mothering in a way that Alexei had not known in years. His ears flutter in the suit of her words, and his eyes find hers once more. Instead of the menacing look that came with her, it's now switched with the worried gaze of another. He's caught in the complete change of her aura and presence in this land. She comes closer and he; he does not move. He cannot move, caught in her ebbing motherlike trance. Or rather, he doesn't allow himself to move. He doesn't want to spoil this moment, or have it end. Her paw reaches towards his face and his breath hitches in his own throat. His mind plays tricks. Another woman hadn't gotten this close since his life had almost been taken from him. As if the Gods were playing tricks on him; the flash of the native's face makes him flinch backwards at her paw. As soon as it was given, it was taken away. He didn't think it was in succession to his former wince but, something else that he cannot pinpoint. She falls a back a few steps. Once again, they are entrapped in the silence that comes from their very cores. Echoing thoughts that cannot be said. What is the point in dragging both their ghosts to a stranger's doorstep?

Thankfully, her voice rings true against the wind. Something else to fill his ears besides the intrusive thoughts. His violet gaze was adverted to the land she spoke of. He tried to imagine a settlement up here. How long it would last with nothing but the wind that filled the backs of their mind. Static in a lone home. Anything could be built from it. Nightmares or dreams, whichever the path may take. Her voice trails off, but he does not question her more on it. There's something that tells him maybe that is her ghost. The former shadow of a family or an old lover. Something that he didn't want to spill, either.

The attention turns back to him. The stranger seemed to... worry? About him? 'Are you running from something?' She asks, but does not let the wind take her voice far. It's in a low tone, 'Someone?' He's silent for a moment. Because of the whispering thoughts in his head, he cannot shake. He used to be running. He used to be free. What is he now? Caught? Intertwined in something bigger that he cannot shake? He turns to the water; the hawk that caws softly above. "Not anymore. Though sometimes... it still feels like they chase me." All of it. All of the past nightmares that he used to have. All of the past friends, corpses of those he lost. He does not know whether they are dead or alive. But he knows they are gone, and he is here. His heart strains somewhat from the pain he'd not let himself feel for a long time. He looks to her again, "Is your ghost here?" He asks, relating back to her voice that'd trailed off. He thought he wouldn't ask, but it just comes from him. Something tugs at the inner strings in his ribcage. He senses, they are much more alike than either of them know.

mephisto

@Sif