[ P ] Ease My Mind

SORCHA KINNAIRD

'What a mess.' She thought bitterly. The protest had started well and Sorcha had been sure they would have been able to sway a few attendants but quickly things had fallen into complete disarray. In the end their group was arrested. She had a criminal record now - that was an interesting turn of events. But it wasn't their little protest that had been the most shocking event of the winter ball. There had been an attempt on the king's life, and their peaceful protest in Voice's name was now being touted as a distraction, that the Voxi leader had planned the assassination.

It was a horrible twisting of events. They were a peaceful group who just wanted to see the betterment of their country - without bloodshed.

After her release Sorcha knew she could not stick around the mainland for any longer, not even to seek out Baelfire. Instead she decided that she would send a raven to her mate, informing him of her whereabouts. By the time it reached him, she would be back in Perth.

--

Upon reaching Perth the first wolf she sought out was, of course, her mother. And when she found the familiar visage of the older woman, who had surely heard of the events of the winter ball, Sorcha was surprised to find herself pulled into her protective embrace.

“I thought you would be angry.”

“I’m furious.”

Iona had led her back home, and Sorcha found herself smiling as the familiar scents of Perth enveloped her.

--

Her mother had dropped a package of raspberry leaf by her side. “It’ll help with sickness.” she stated, a knowing glint in her eye before wandering off again. Her mother had figured her out quickly. Sorcha had never been a sickly wolf, so the sudden nausea and vomiting had been the first red flag. Her scent, too, had changed. The second. And her small frame - well, it was not going to keep things hidden for long. Third.

She gave a small sigh, curling upon herself. Baelfire had not yet arrived - had she made a mistake with the raven? She had never had to use the roosts before, maybe he had not even received her message. Still, it meant she had plenty of time to figure out how to break the news to him. ‘Yes, I’m Voxi. Also, I’m pregnant.'

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BAELFIRE

The ball's events still played in his mind as the days dragged on and when he say they dragged, he meant they dragged. Each day was a month, no a year that passed with such excruciating slowness that he felt almost like he was going mad. He still couldn't believe what had happened and the fact that he'd not been allowed to see her, to get answers, to hold her was unbearable. It made him feel a bitterness and resenment he'd not felt in a long time, but not towards her, towards the ones who kept her away from him. While he'd been promoted, he was 'too close' to the situation to be let into the dungeon and so he'd waited and waited, asking anyone who saw her how she was doing. Most of them scoffed and didn't reply but some guards were nice enough to tell her that at least she was still alive. He couldn't wrap his head around why she was in there. Why had she been in the garden and how had she gotten wrapped up in the Voxi plot to assassinate the King?

This was all a mistake, a misunderstanding. There was no way Sorcha would try to kill anyone.

His gut rumbled uncomfortably as Sorcha's home came into view. He could only imagine what Iona was going to say and she would be right. He should've kept her safe and this was his fault. She had said she was sorry, but he didn't know why. He hadn't seen her in weeks and finally now that he could, he felt afraid. Why? Baelfire shook it off and walked inside, his single eye scanning the room quickly before finding her curled up alone. He wasn't sure where Iona was but he was glad to have a moment alone with Sorcha first. All the built up anger inside of him washed away at the sight of her and he moved to her side without a word, wrapping around her tightly, protectively. He felt his fur bristle along his back as he rested his nose against her nape.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you. They wouldn't let me see you."

Baelfire closed his eye, drawingin her scent. Lashes fluttered as he reopened his eye, brow creased slightly at the mild difference he couldn't place. "What happened? Why were you in the garden? Why do they think you were in some... some plot to kill the King?" he asked anxiously, assuming she'd just say it was a mistake. If it wasn't that would mean she used him and he couldn't imagine that.

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SORCHA KINNAIRD

Her ears pricked at the familiar sound of his footfalls, but Sorcha did not turn to her mate until she felt his embrace, muzzle buried in the thick fur of her nape as he spoke. "I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you. They wouldn't let me see you."

She fought the urge to whine as he pulled away, instead turning so she could meet his gaze for the first time since the ball. She could detect no anger in his gaze, just confusion. "What happened? Why were you in the garden? Why do they think you were in some... some plot to kill the King?"

“It wasn’t us!” She barked, startled at the strength of her own voice. Cringing, she cowered down once again. “We were - it was a protest. We weren’t there to hurt anyone. Just wanted to be heard.” But someone had used their little group as a distraction, that was for sure, and now most citizens viewed Voxi with fear and disgust. It had all been for naught - now they had the even greater task of clearing their name.

She finally turned back to Baelfire, eyes wide and pleading. Please believe me. “Voice might not agree with the monarchy but she doesn’t want Adamh dead.” The assassination went against everything the Voxi leader taught her followers. They were a peaceful group, and it was through peace that they would educate the masses, not deceit and murder. “We had nothing to do with the assassination.”

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BAELFIRE

The sudden defensive nature of her words and emotion was not what he had expected at all. He'd thought she'd simply tell him she'd got swept up in the craziness and it was all a mistake. Instead, the more she talked, the more things began to make sense. He lifted his head to look at her, his brow creasing in disbelief, confusion and disappointment. The puzzle pieces were dreadfully slow as they began to piece together a picture he had been too blind, or two stupid, to see.

"We."

It wasn't a mistake. She had gone to this protest intentionally. She had used him to go to this protest... and now apparently her Voxi friends were being maligned with the assassins; at least that was what she claimed. Baelfire didn't believe she was murderous, no... but he didn't know or trust the Voxi or whoever this 'Voice' was. They only seemed to sow disarray in his opinion, spreading dissent to the masses and pushing them to stand up for some injustice that wasn't even real. They needed the Kingdom, they all had jobs and lives that would suffer greatly if things were to fall apart and be left to the idle hands of the people. That much he knew.

"Sorcha I... I don't even..."

He sat up, pulling away from her. How could he be so stupid? It wasn't like she ever hid her opinions and they'd already had heated arguments over this before. He felt sick, but not because of what she had done but because of what she'd been tricked into doing. A foolish cause with nothing but trouble at it's end. "I don't know what to say, Sorcha. I guess it's my fault for... I don't even know. Why? Why would you do this? You know whatever they are promising isn't real, don't you? If the Kingdom falls it'll just be someone else, maybe someone worse. People need led and they'll follow whoever fills the void. If something happened to you I--"

He cut off, shaking his head as he stood, furthering himself still as he tried to collect himself. His body quivered slightly, from exhaustiion and frustration. He didn't want to fight; not when he hadn't seen her in so long. He sighed and shook his head, thinking perhaps it was best he left.

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SORCHA KINNAIRD

As he pulled away from her the tears that she had been desperately holding back finally fell. Sitting up, she faced him again, steeling herself for his reaction.

"I don't know what to say, Sorcha. I guess it's my fault for... I don't even know. Why? Why would you do this? You know whatever they are promising isn't real, don't you? If the Kingdom falls it'll just be someone else, maybe someone worse. People need led and they'll follow whoever fills the void. If something happened to you I--"

"There is not one Highlander in Adamh's court.” she countered, a little desperately. “Not one. So many Mainlander nobles have not even set foot upon our soil and yet we expect them to know best how to govern our country? Do you not see the problem in that?"

She shook her head roughly, blinking through tears. "We are made to fight in pointless wars for kings and queens we did not vote for. We - I want to be able to make the choice, and not leave it up to chance." Her family had lost so much fighting for a monarchy that they did not choose - but had been happy with! And for what? Fearghus and Shaw were dead, and the tension between nations could be cut by tooth and claw, even as Adamh tried his best with the cards he had been handed.

With Baelfire in the army, she had the horrible, horrible fear that he could be taken just as easily.

Baelfire distanced himself further from her, and she wondered if he would leave her there. She couldn’t blame him. She was in the wrong here - as much as she believed in the Voxi cause. She wilted, all the fight leaving her body as quickly as it had filled her. She felt very small, as she cowered in his shadow once again.

"I can't have this argument now, Bae." Her voice was small, barely above a whisper. "I'm pregnant."

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BAELFIRE

”There is not one Highlander in Adamh’s court.” she countered, a fact he knew all too well. This was not a new discovery and not a new argument. He understood where she was coming from, but couldn’t they just demand representation in that way rather than try to tear the entire thing down? He wasn’t really certain what the Voxi were demanding. He only knew that should everything go to shambles and the people be left to their own devices, all hell would break loose. Things would be so, so much worse with no law at all. There was crime in Rionnach already and he could only imagine how much worse it would get should the Kingdom fall and the Imperial Army crumble alongside it.

He looked up at her as she commented again on how they were made to fight in silly wars, wars they did not choose and he knew... he knew she was right. She had lost family in these wars and while he’d lost family too, they had died long before the rebellion. Would he feel differently if his father had perished along with Fearghus and Shaw? ”I know, I KNOW.” he responded, a little more loudly and roughly than he intended. It wasn’t that she was wrong, he just had reservations and ideas that all of this could be done so much differently. A road paved in fear would lead nowhere good.

As his voice raised, he saw her shrivel and his heart ached. He drew a breath to steady himself. ”I think I should go,” he murmured, not wanting to frighten her. The look on her face was punishment enough, while he was hurting he couldn’t bear to hurt her back. But as he turned to leave, her small voice echoed behind him. I can’t have this argument now, Bae.” she said. His ear twitched and he glanced back. He didn’t want to have this argument either. He just wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to wipe away the tears on her face. He turned more, his gaze upon her face. Her beautiful face... he could already feel his fury beginning to subside, so foolishly as it had all those other times, even before she said it.

”I‘m pregnant.”

A weight dropped on him and crushed him, squeezing any ounce of residual anger out of him with a swiftness he didn’t think possible. His mind was completely blank, he couldn’t think, his vision was beginning to blur due to a headache forming and for a moment he forgot to breathe.

He could feel the emotion overflowing, and suddenly he felt a wetness on his cheek. He blinked, visibly confused by the tears that had formed. But they weren’t tears of sadness or anger or anything but joy. ”Really...?” he said softly. The haze began to drift away, and while the pain was still there he moved closer. He drew a breath and pulled her into his arms, closing his eye and nestling into the soft fur on her neck. This fight was not worth what they had, and what they would have. He was loyal to the crown, but he was more loyal to Sorcha. He loved her more than anything and he felt more ashamed now than anything for having blown up on her mere moments ago.

”Marry me.” he whispered into her ear.

He had planned to propose at the ball, but obviously that plan had been foiled. ”And not because you’re pregnant. I was going to ask at the ball.” he said, not wanting her to feel as though he only asked because for that reason. ”Marry me, Sorcha. I don’t give a damn if we have this same stupid fight for the rest of our lives. I love you more than our differences, more than anything. I’m sorry. Please, say yes.” He would not create a broken family to leave behind in the dust. He was not that kind of man.

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SORCHA KINNAIRD

”I know, I KNOW.” She flinched at his tone, russet ears pinned back against her head as she looked to the ground. It was not the first time they had had this argument - nor would it likely be the last. But something was different this time - maybe it was just the pregnancy hormones talking - but there was more at stake now, wasn’t there? They were to be parents. It was not just their pride or relationship on the line. Everything changed, once children were involved.

He froze at her announcement, an awful silence filling the void and Sorcha lowered herself back to the ground, fearing her legs would no longer fully support her. She was ready for him to turn tail and leave, when...

”Really...?” Her ears flicked and she chanced a glance back at him, noting the shock on his face and glassy look in his eye that he now shared with her.

“Mmhm.” Wet laughter slipped from her lips, despite herself. “I suppose I should be thanking Adamh for his garden.” Her lips twitched in a smile, knowing Baelfire would know what she was insinuating. Finally, she brought herself to meet his gaze. A moment later, she was back in his arms and she was quick to bury her face in the thick fur of his neck, relief washing over her that he would still embrace her like this. The argument did not matter, not now. It could wait, until they were both calm enough to discuss politics rationally. This, their family, was what was truly important.

”Marry me.” His proposal had shocked her into silence, which Baelfire was quick to fill. An unusual turn of events, usually it was Sorcha who filled the space with sound. ”And not because you’re pregnant. I was going to ask at the ball.”

”Marry me, Sorcha. I don’t give a damn if we have this same stupid fight for the rest of our lives. I love you more than our differences, more than anything. I’m sorry. Please, say yes.”

“I love you too.” She mumbled into his fur. It was love that fueled her fight, her need for a reform of government. To protect her family - for he was family, long before they became mates. “Yes. I’ll marry you.” She reaffirmed, feeling the strength returning to her voice. She pulled away, placing a kiss to his cheek before looking him in the eye. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

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BAELFIRE

While his anger had faded, his emotions were still running high. He felt overwhelmed with it all but in her arms he felt calm. They always managed to find their way back to one another, realizing that this was more important. Always. He could only pray to whatever higher power there was that that love would not fade, even more so now. With children involved he knew they would have to find a way to overcome thier differences, or at the very least set them aside. He hoped that in one year, two years, five years they'd still hold this love for one another. He felt like he would always feel this way but even an optimistic man like himself knew that sometimes things changed.

"Mmhm... I suppose I should be thanking Adamh for his garden.”

Baelfire cleared his throat, making way for a knowing chuckle. "I suppose we should..."

He hadn't really expected that night to lead here but it had and he wouldn't change it for the world. He loved Sorcha and he'd always wanted a family. Nothing would replace the one he'd lost, at least not in the same way. He wished he could tell his father, his mother... his brother. They would all be so happy for him. He drew a breath, leaning his face against the soft fur upon her neck.

“I love you too.” she murmured and his eye opened slightly. “Yes. I’ll marry you.” He tensed, but not yet moving, he felt stuck as if this were a dream. “Of course I’ll marry you.” As if it should have been so obvious all along-- it made him feel like when he'd asked her out. Maybe others would think this was too fast but he didn't care. They had known one another for much longer so it didn't feel too fast at all. They didn't have to justify themselves to anyone. "I love you Sorcha..." he said, pulling away just enough so that he could kiss her deeply. He pulled away slightly, glancing as if Iona would appear out of nowhere. Knowing her, she just might. He cleared his throat again and looked back at Sorcha, smiling down at her. "I can't wait to meet them." he whispered, his voice filled with joy.

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