[ P ] not my circus, not my monkey

Once the drunk was back on his paws his confidence returned to him quicker than his wits did. The threat of the dungeon didn't seem to phase him now he wasn't pinned to the ground and at her mercy. Xandria didn't need to physically restrain him to assert her authority. The lieutenant had dealt with insufferable fools before and put them in their place. She allowed him to ramble on about how amazing she was, impatiently tapping her paw for him to finish. "I know I am. So what's your point?" she questioned, lifting her chin and showing a hint of teeth in warning when he tried to lean closer. If he expected her to swoon and be charmed by any of his bullshit he was more foolish than she'd first thought. The only bed he would be sharing tonight would be with the rats in his cell.

"You're still under arrest. Now get moving," Xandria commanded him, jabbing him in the side with a paw. She wanted to get back in time for the rest of the festival and she wasn't going to miss it because of him. Duty came first however. She had a disorderly drunk to escort back to the castle and he was already proving to be a pain in the ass.

code & art by claerie

V

alerian let out a chuckle, shaking his head as his rear end wavered upon seating again, though he remained standing. "And why, mighty maiden, does there have to be a point? Can I not simply pay you compliment?" There was something genuine that lingered behind the misty cerulean of his eyes for a moment and he continued. "After all, you clearly bested me! Why, I could...well, I could start an epic of The Great...ehhh..what's your-?"

"You're still under arrest. Now get moving."

"I-I'm what?" Eyes growing wide as she jabbed at him. "Now, now, wait just a moment! Waaaait, wait, wait, wait..." He began sputtering, planting his feet as he addressed her. "My mind may be a bit muddled currently, but I ceeertainly recall you asking me if you had to arrest me or if I was a fool and I can assure you, Deputy Diamond, that I am the latter! I mean, look at me!"

He gestured to himself and then her own frame, trying to make it obvious that he was referencing his size where she stood taller. He was also quite unkempt, with bits of twig and leaf tucked in various patches of fur and dried blood that had come from his nose. "I wouldn't last a five minutes in prison! "

@Xandria

art and code by Yahtzee-Penguiduck

The silver tongued casanova continued in his attempts to butter her up. Her golden eyes flared with impatience as she fixed him with a hard stare. "I know flattery when I hear it," she remarked, narrowing her eyes at him. He hadn't exactly been subtle with his compliments, drizzling them on her like a mountain of sugar. False sweetness with a bitter after taste of expectations. He wouldn't be the first to try and wriggle out of an arrest by trying to charm her or bribe her. Some officers might fall for such schemes, but she was immune to it. As a noble born lady she'd heard it all before. People who wanted to earn her favour and use her for influence.

Again he tried to negotiate his way out of the dungeon, but Xandria didn't want to play these games. "I said if you continued to act like a fool I'd arrest you," she corrected him, making her intentions clearer. He was obviously way too drunk to remember what she was saying. All the better for him to be where she could keep an eye on him and stay out of trouble.

"Save it for the castle. Maybe they'll take pity on you and hire you as a jester," she retorted, trying and failing not to imagine him wearing a hat with bells on.

"Now move or I'll grab you by the scruff and take you there," she warned him, entirely serious about her threat.

code & art by claerie

"A

nd how do you know?" Valerian leaned in dangerously close, especially narrowing one eye with a dramatized look of suspicion. "I might be a bit inebriated, but I know an extraordinary woman when I see her, athankyou!"

She corrected him, replaying whatever statement she thought she'd said before. He knew it wasn't the right one, but this lass was a stubborn as a mule and he'd get nowhere arguing. "Well, ya know what they say..." Val gave her a toothy grin and brought a paw up to frame one side of his chin, cheekily.

"Every court needs its jester! Buuut...there can only be so many and we all know the castle is chalk full of fools!" He brought the same paw to cover his mouth. "Oop, my word! Whatever that bartender gave me has loosened my lips thoroughly!"

The soldier was beginning to lose her cool and he cringed. "Now, now! If we absolutely must go...I will enter the Kingdom gates with the utmost dignity!" He stomped his paw down and lifted his nose into the air, but then suddenly Valerian's eyes grew wide and he gasped. "OHHMYGAH!! LOOK! KING ADAHM!!"

He had about two and a half seconds before she realized he'd created a diversion and so he spun on his heel intent on bolting. He took off, looking back over his shoulder to make sure he'd actually been successful this time with that trick. Lady Luck had seemingly abandoned poor Valerian as he unfortunately forgot to keep his eyes on the path ahead, causing him to run full-speed, head-first directly into a tree, rendering him completely unconscious upon impact.

[Exit Valerian]

@Xandria

art and code by Yahtzee-Penguiduck

The man leaned in close, too close for Xandria's comfort. His breath was ripe with the smell of alcohol strong enough to make her curl her lip and scrunch her nose upon smelling it. "You're a shameless horny drunk. You couldn't be more obvious," Xandria scoffed, turning her face away from him in disgust so that only one eye was fixed upon him. His false compliments did nothing to endear her to him. They were merely fuel to the flames that burned inside. She wasn't a lonely wife that was desperate to hear pretty words. Xandria already knew her worth.

He then rambled on, claiming the castle was full of fools. "You should feel right at home then," she retorted, letting himself dig a deeper hole. Her family counted themselves among the castle residents when they weren't serving at the barracks. The lieutenant didn't care about the insult to the king. She wasn't a member of King Adamh's die hard fan club even if it was expected of her. She did hold her family in high regard however and they were certainly not fools.

With dignity he insisted and she almost laughed at that. He had thrown dignity out of the window along with his wits. Further supported by his very poorly timed and ineffective method of escape. Her head whipped around for a fraction of a second before realisation kicked in and she was racing after him. Paws skidded to a halt when he collided head first with the tree and crumpled like a sack of potatoes. "Are you kidding me?" she exclaimed after swatting his face several times and failing to rouse him.

She would have to drag him to the castle. Where was Sethos when she needed him?

Exit Xandria

code & art by claerie