[ P ] The Guilt That Eats

”Any food is a blessing.” That’s always what his father told him. Growing up in mountains that rarely saw the grass meant there wasn’t much for them to hunt. Scraps and bones had to be made to last more often than not. Fasting had become a normal thing in the ivory man’s life, but as of late he felt his appetite waning more than usual. Before him was the half eaten carcass of a freshly caught rabbit that now lay untouched. Some might think this a natural thing given that old age was closer on his horizon than some much younger than himself. It simply came with the territory of getting old, even if Isen didn’t feel all that old himself. Regardless, he couldn’t lie to himself. He could tell a passing stranger he simply didn’t want it for a myriad of reasons - but he knew the truth. Eating felt like a privilege he should not have claim to anymore.

Eating and sleeping were things all creatures needed in order to keep going. Basic necessities that were required in order to keep living. Turning your back on these things in his eyes were…maybe a punishment. A punishment meant to torture him in ways that paled in comparison to the one’s he had failed to protect. The gnawing annoyance of hunger wasn’t needed anymore. Not when it had been replaced with the slowly consuming fever of guilt. Why should he be allowed to sit here, in relative peace among the trees and enjoy a fat, fresh rabbit dinner? His King was dead. His home was a pile of rubble. His Queen at best was missing and at worse - ”No…” His voice was hushed but the frail assurance within it could be heard just barely under the self doubt that was piling up.

”You are alive.” Azure eyes turned from the carcass to peer up at the sky, nearly blocked out by the boughs of trees whose leaves were changing and falling with the passing of every new wind. ”And I will find you.” So far, his inquiries had revealed no indication that Aleera had made it to this land. Her description was the sort one didn’t miss when you looked upon her. If she’d passed through then surely someone would have remembered the likes of his Empress. In the past finding information on her had proven to be somewhat easy. Especially when compared to the way she’d explained finding the same type of information on Sapphire had been a daunting task. Rest assured, Isen did not envy the one who made it their mission to hunt that woman down. Her role as Nightingale meant many things, but utmost of which was her silent fang keeping the peace. The thought of the Princess turned his face into a sour grimace.

Isen still didn’t like thinking of her, if for no other reason than how it made him feel conflicted. Everything he’d ever known of Sapphire led him to believe she could never do something as heinous as staging a coup to oust her sister from her throne…But the facts spoke for themselves. Sapphire’s claim was announced by many of the rebels. Screamed well into the night. Koh and Aleera both heard it just the same. On top of that, her position as Spy Master put her in the perfect place to arrange the entire thing. Black lips pulled back in a quiet growl before his paw swiped at the carcass of the rabbit. It rolled a short distance away, leaving a blood trail in its path before Isen rose to his feet and turned away to look at the stream he had come to camp near for the duration of his time spent in Rionna. ”It may be time to move on.”

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